“Beach Pebbles” and Audience Participation

Good morning good morning. I’ve got several projects underway, but unfortunately, none of them is near enough to comletion yet. Since I’m about to go out and relax on the beach all day (don’t worry, I’m taking my notebook!), I thought I’d post this old one. It’s one I’m very fond of, but there’s one line I’m not completely happy with.

I’m confident this won’t shatter me totally, but here’s a challenge for you, the reader. Try to guess the line I’m unhappy with, and if you can, give a reason. Post in the comments. And if I’ve told you before what the “bad” line is, then send me a message or something somewhere else. You’ll spoil the fun.

Hopefully, it’ll be an exercise in going back over a work I was comfortable with and making it BETTER – so don’t hold back.

Beach Pebbles

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Beach Pebbles

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I realise it has always been this way,
The bill is handed over me, to you.
Directions given that I understand,
but given to your face, which blankly nods.

He’s taller, someone says;
it’s more than that,
as on the beach, we peck for
the smoothest stones.

The light is fading
but we don’t notice.
The chill wind forgotten,
cool sunlight on your face.

Unstudied, casual, your arm
curves with the stone
– the little discus takes aim
and rises over crashing foam

and patting, patting, defying,
its spinning curve lifts
Against all nature, flying,
cresting the next white drift,

then gone.
A skill I have never possessed,
We laugh at the sinking failure
When I follow in your steps.

Listening to your smiling eyes,
Your silhouette between, below
the setting sun and blue horizon,
I face the truth that there is
something comfortable in your shadow.

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2 thoughts on ““Beach Pebbles” and Audience Participation”

  1. ‘Listening to your smiling eyes’ is certainly ‘against all nature’, and the comma makes it sound like the silhouette is between the eyes. Also what’s up with line capitalisation in this poem?

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